feel good

You don’t really wish anyone; even your enemy to see the sight of a hospital, especially with someone dear in critical health, unless of course you consider present government regime as your enemy in which case all is fair. I have had the unfortunate pleasure of staying in hospitals across
Pakistan usually as an attendant and extremely rarely as a patient. As much as there are various differences, number of familiarities are remarkable, especially in their staff’s behavior pattern.

I have just returned from a ‘night duty’ as an attendant and it beats me every time, how a group of new shift staff barge into the room, wake up patient from the sleep to say, “As Salaam Wa Alaikum, we are the new staff on shift, if you need anything just ring that bell.” As much as I appreciate
good service, I also detest lack of common sense. Hello? You just woke up a patient to say ‘ring that bell if you need something’?  He knows precisely why that bell is there for. Usually this conversation is followed by yours truly giving the group leader his version of ‘you shouldn’t have done that’ outside the room which results in silent treatment from staff when you actually call them through that bell next time.

What usually happens however is after 8 hours a new shift of staff barges in smiling to say, you know what they say. Then there is this endless stream of nurses and duty doctors who wake up patients to ask ‘Hello, how are you feeling?’ Lot better when I was sleeping, is patient’s guess.

If that’s not enough, there is always that cleaning staff who waits just enough for the patient to sleep again so he/she can do his/her share of spoils.

This in my experience happens in all hospitals at least in Karachi. Be it the evergreen AKUH, the president blessed Ziauddin Hospital or the new ‘burger’, ‘trendy’, ‘in’ thing South City Hospital, located in the posh South of the City I live in.

There is a slick café located in South City Hospital named ‘The Courtyard’. It would give Karachi’s fine dining restaurants a run for their money not for the food, but the money it charges. They have their own set of senseless rules. You can’t order a 70 rupees cup of tea (yes, 70 rupees for a cup of tea) unless you order at least a starter (minimum price 360 rupees). So when I ordered some ‘wonton’ to basically have a cup of tea, I was presented gravy dish called ‘Kung Pao Chicken’. The name sounds like a Punjabi dude trying Kung fu, but that’s not the point here. When I confronted the waiter (who at least had a good sense of humor) about choice of dish, he insisted that this is what I ordered. I replied that my order does not even sounds similar to this gravy dish and did he not wonder why I am ordering gravy with a cup of tea? He replied, he actually did wonder why am I ordering but he can’t judge my sense of taste and choice,cheeky bastard.

To be fair to them, I did get my wonton, and the food is alright.

A friend was recently posting a lot about a certain ‘hot nurse’ while he was attending his father in hospital. It surprised me a lot because somehow this creature has eluded me. No matter what reason we go to hospital for, somewhere deep inside, we are always looking for a ‘hot nurse’. You know the sort we see in porn but never see in the real hospital? Not even something close. The only ‘hot nurse’ I have come across is the ‘hot headed’ nurse. Unlike the non-existent ‘hot nurse’, she is found abundantly in all hospitals. She is pissed off like hell, always complaining either about a fellow colleague, the hospital management, salary, work load, visitors, and other patients. When she gives you an injection, boy you know you have got it. This is all the pleasure you are going to get from her.

Another night duty beckons, so have to take some sleep.


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